After The Divorce: Five Survival Divorce Tips For Men

While the divorce process can be an emotional and stressful experience for women, it can be just as challenging and difficult for men to accept divorce and move forward with their lives. Research has shown that men typically recognize their marriage is in trouble later than women.

Once the divorce is final and their ex-wife has moved out, the emotional reality sets in and the grieving process for men begins.

It is important to your divorce attorney that your emotional health is taken care of as you will be making critical decisions during the process and it is important that your judgment is not clouded.

Consider the following five helpful tips men can do to recuperate from their divorce and move forward with their lives.
Five Tips For Men To Recuperate and Move On After Divorce

Forgive. While it is natural to feel a roller coaster of emotions, have a series of questions, and play the blame game, it’s important to forgive. Forgive yourself first. Everyone makes mistakes and there’s the obvious feeling of regret, but that is life. The way to prevail after your divorce is to forgive yourself and to move on.

Build Your Support Team. Divorced men are twice as likely to commit suicide as married men and are prone to alcohol problems due to isolation. To combat isolation and break feelings of anger, depression and loneliness, surround yourself with the right people. Your support team will include trusted family members, colleagues, and close friends. These individuals will accept your divorce, confide in you, and support you through your new journey.

Keep Yourself Healthy. After your divorce has been settled, the last thing you would want to do is lose yourself. Keeping yourself healthy doesn’t just mean going to the gym. As archaic as it sounds, maintaining a balanced diet, having a consistent workout routine, and getting the right amount of sleep each night will give you and your body peace of mind.

Redefine Yourself. A new life will call for new habits, new interests, and a brand new outlook. This is the golden opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and try new things. For example, take a cooking class or join a recreational sports league. You will find by learning something new, you will meet new people and overall be moving in the right direction.

Keep An Open Line Of Communication. Lastly, try your best to establish an amicable relationship with your ex-wife moving forward after the divorce. After you’ve forgiven yourself, established your new home base, and taken steps to move on, forgive your ex.

In a situation where children are involved, it’s in the children’s best interest that you keep peace in both households, be cordial to your ex-wife, and keep the lines of communication open. Keep the conversation civil and healthy. Never bring up the subject of your divorce especially in front of your children.

By Mary Stearns-Montgomery
Thursday, 16 May 2013


Connie Theron, Practising Attorney - UCT Law Clinic
“While working at the University of Stellenbosch Legal Aid Clinic and later at the UCT Law Clinic, I found the pro bono mediation services of Gerrie van der Watt of the Mediation Centre to be highly professional and extremely effective in our divorce matters. It is fantastic that our clients, with little or no financial means, can benefit from such an excellent programme.

The mediators are able to provide a non-threatening environment in which the clients are able to talk openly about issues that matter most to them, but which the Court in a divorce matter may choose not to entertain. Through the mediation sessions, the clients are able to reach an agreement together which ultimately they are both happy with. In cases where mediation did not yield the result of a settlement, the process was still extremely valuable, giving the parties better perspective and highlighting the key issues in dispute.”